so, it feels funny posting this after my last entry. but tonight we went to one of phoenix's better known restaurants right in the heart of downtown. it's called pizzeria bianco. really cool atmosphere. it's usually at least a two hour wait. mainly b/c it's small and really good food. tonight it was a bit slow. only an hour. we sat next door at their bar..an old house that has been re-done. with the rainstorms on their way, it was actually pleasant outside tonight.

i wouldn't say pizzeria bianco is the best pizza i've ever had (if only ihop had pizza), but it was pretty good. the mozzarella and tomato thingy was pretty awesome too..if you're into that. had a good time just hanging out with friends.

i gotta tell ya tho. i am such a lightweight. i had one beer (granted, all i had in my stomach was a hungry choice tv dinner..which just did not cut it for lunch and a few crumb-sized tostitos from right before i left) and my brain was mush. i could not come up with a decent thing to talk about. ask poor brandon and kira. people would say things like, "so yeah, i had a good day at work," and i would stare blankly at them..having the thought, "i am pretty sure i should respond to that in some way..but i just have got nothing." it was a bad feeling. alcohol has never been my friend. in college when i was painfully shy, i didn't drink much either. but one time i tried it, hoping that it would metamorph me into 'the player'..i'd have the instant courage to walk up to ladies, the perfect joke would roll off my tongue, and everyone would be like, "what is super jeff up to?!" but alas, it just made me tired, unfocused, and even more boring. well, that's pretty much what happened tonight. luckily, i was with friends whom i didn't need to impress.

yes, they are now going to kill me for posting this photo. but hey, it's the only one i got.

impressing people...now there is a subject that goes a little deeper. something that i think that God is showing me about myself. i think i have always been sort of a pleaser..just wants to get along with everyone...don't want to have to ruffle feathers if i don't have to...i have heard for a person to be healthy he/she has to learn how to do a couple of things...to bond with others and to separate from others. i think i am pretty good at the bonding thing. it leads me to ask good questions, listen empathetically (be nice), and quickly connect with people. i am not so good at the separating thing. some of the bad things that this has led to are....

• not moving in a direction that God would want me to b/c i'm tied to people
• expecting too much from people in return once i have heavily bonded with them
this leads to disappointment, resentment, lack of love for people
• not following my heart. following people instead.
• leaning on people in an unhealthy way
• expecting things from authority figures...expecting them to lead me when i can lead myself or listen to God's voice
• not challenging the status quo
• constantly evaluating what other people think rather than focusing on what i know what i need to do..or hearing God's voice..this leads to fatigue, overanalyzing, lack of motion
• a lack of risk-taking
• has me make an idol of serving man rather than serving God

you would think being a nice guy...bonding to others..would be a good thing...and it is. but, like anything, when we put things above God, it's a formula for failure.

anyhoo...how'd i get from pizza to separating from others. rannn-dommmm!

had fun tonight. put up my first vulnerable, deeper post. i feel better now.

niters.

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