part i
My Office

right now i am sitting in my new home office. i have been working on it for about a month now...painting it, checking the ‘as is’ section at ikea and getting some deals, organizing....it feels so good to have a workspace that i feel comfortable in. and yet, God keeps giving me little reminders here and there to not get caught up in my own little world and ordering my own little space.

on thursday, i just got home after running for two days straight doing work stuff (planning and running a church party tues night, leadership training wed at 6:30am, etc). i was totally spent. i was looking forward to getting home and resting. and finally finishing my office. the end was finally in sight.

but ten minutes after i got home...

i got a call from scott (my boss). he said a family in our church needed help. their house got flooded in a storm we had the night before. i was sooo resistant. i was saying, “Lord! I need rest! I want to get this done! Why?” i heard the whining in my voice a bit even as i said that.

but then when i called the mom up on the phone whose house had been hit, it all became clear. they had been up til 3am the night before wet vac’ing two of the bedrooms. they lost their carpet in each room. and they were afraid that if they didn’t do some moving of some dirt (mud) that they would be hit again that night. her husband was working in the yard alone b/c he didn’t want to ask for help. then i was like, “Lord, please forgive me. This family’s house was IN WATER last night. And I’m sitting here, wanting to not have to give..to want to order my own world...”

i ended up going. and i was totally blessed. i had a great time working hard, getting sweaty, having some great conversation...and feeling really good that i wasn't, for a time, consumed with my own little world.

there’s nothing wrong with having boundaries and knowing your limits, but God uniquely knew that i was/am getting too tied to my own stuff and what it said about me...you see, God has been showing me in the last year or so –now that i have been blessed with some things – that my heart/identity is tied too much to what my stuff looks like. why? b/c it says something about me. b/c if i have a nice office that is decorated in a cool way, then people will see me differently. they'll see me as responsible, as organized, as someone they can trust as a church leader...but also, that it has style and is "cool". i really like well-designed things. i appreciate people so much that can do it. but i need to watch how important it is and not let it consume me.

God has shown me (a lot through Scott’s preaching as well as Tim Keller’s) to notice what i’m emotional about...what elicits this drive in me that i need to have? what makes me angry and frustrated when i don’t get it? b/c within that might lie my idols. for if it’s THAT important, i need to ask myself why.

part ii
My Stomach

was thinking earlier today, too, about hungers and desires. have noticed that God has put both in us. i have hunger for things...food, connection, good design, good movies, things that are organzied and ordered, impact, sex (yeah...sex), a good glass of ice water, a hug from my dog (sorry guys. gots to give props to the viva)...and a ton of other things. and what is cool is that he allows things in our lives that will fulfill that hunger....and how sweet it is when that hunger is met with what we want. God has provided food..good food. He has given us the ability to create, pay for, and watch a good movie. but what He will not allow is for anything to satisfy us more than Him.

i heard a sermon the other day by Chip Ingram on Genesis. he was talking about how the penalty of the fall was to give the man the land to work. that he would find satisfaction in it, but that it would never fulfill the hunger and desires that were filled in the garden. and how that has related to man's desire for impact in the world. as a man, i want to have impact. that is my main struggle. i want to know that i'm making a difference. if i don't know that, my world kind of shuts down.

similarly, God gave women the 'penalty' of having birth pains in childbirth. a woman's desire is for connection. God gave them that hunger. but He made it so that it would never fulfill them like they were fulfilled in the Garden. and so, likewise, woman would forever long for connection but not be able to totally fulfill it.

chip went onto say how all of this was a work of God's grace. that it actually was a gift. huh? childbirth? constantly working the soil? gifts? yes, it is a gift b/c it points us to what will bring us ultimate satisfaction. if all of my hunger was fulfilled by a big mac, then why would i need God? i wouldn't. i would keep going back to mcdonald's again and again. the golden arches, literally, would become God to me. and yet, i look at my life. and this is what i do at times. i keep trying to quench a thirst with something that was never meant to totally quench my thirst. which proves - at least to me- that i need something more than this world can offer. i need God. i am hungry for God. i just don't know it sometimes. or i do, and i try to fulfill it with something easier or more flashy or something that will make me look good. but in the end, that just makes me tired, less "impressive", and yes...unfulfilled.

Lord, I owe you my life. thank you for ultimately fulfilling my hunger.

"You created nothing that gives me more pleasure than you. And you won't give me something that gives me more pleasure than you." - Caedmon's Call, 'You Created'